The weather in Kelvedon provided the classic backdrop for a lower league cricket match - no tea, change in a shipping container, no running water and a groundsman using a leaf blower on the pitch as we arrived. Under skies that stubbornly refused to make up their mind, oscillating between drizzle and fleeting glimpses of sun, the stage was set for a contest where the elements, and indeed the pitch, would play as significant a role as any batsman or bowler.
The real star of the show, or perhaps the villain, was the wicket itself. Resembling less a carefully prepared playing surface and more a freshly dug "cabbage patch", it offered little in the way of consistent bounce or predictable movement. Like an early naughties market DVD hawker, nothing could be trusted on the pitch.
Captain Callum appreciated the challenges by ‘winning’ the toss, only to realise that involved having to choose the lesser of two evils. He decided to have a bat, and Lockhart and Johnston strolled to the crease to face the horrors. In batting conditions that left the opposition fielders querying who had upset Captain Callum to make him put us in.
The ball shot everywhere, jumping off a length, hitting the same patch and grubbing along the floor. It was the sort of filth that you can only laugh at. The opening bowlers bowled tight lines, with Johnston and Lockhart pushing where they could, hitting the odd boundary, but most importantly seeing off the opening pair.
Unfortunately for Johnston this resulted in a a change of bowling, and being trapped plumb LBW. Of which there was no doubt or disagreement from the batter. However, the opposition forgot to appeal. Nothing from the bowler. Nothing from the Wicket Keeper. A whispered on the wind query from point. But with bat like ears Garner as umpire heard the appeal and set Johnston on his way - to bemusement all round.
This brought the inform MacLeod to the crease with Braintree 36-1 and the pitch still doing all sorts. He and Lockhart began to push along, with Lockhart reliving his hockey Ayr’s and having to get low to slap a half tracker which kept at ankle height behind square for 4 - self preservation and skill combined.
Eventually Lockhart fell trying to pull another shot that kept far lower than it should’ve done as rain began to fall for a very well worked 41. Macleod carried on his merry way, joined by Newham and pushing on the run rate quickly between wickets before Newham received a wholly dirty ball - hitting something in the pitch to cut back into him along the floor, moving approximately a foot back into him - truly unplayable.
Captain Karl came to the crease and looked to be positive from the outset - playing a different game to the rest of us and going at over a run a ball before being caught, bringing Callie Foyster, with her sewed together pads to the crease to support the captain, who serenely reached his first 50 of the season with a chance less knock.
Foyster showed her middle order confidence, knocking a bowler straight back past themselves for a 4, before showing cricket intelligence by RUNNING A 4 OFF THE LAST BALL OF THE INNINGS.
It left Captain Callum unbeaten on 55 off 100 balls - whilst people have scored more this season, considering the challenges and difficulties it is right up there as the greatest innings of the year.
At the break, after locating the various teas and toilet facilities the team went to work in the field. We were aware that bowling accurately at the stumps was important considering the pitch, albeit somehow the rain had lessened the risk of grubbers along the floor.
Once again Hale and Leigh Garner opened, but they found a couple of batters who were in no mood to hang around - obviously at tea they had chosen chaos and attacked from the off racing to 27 and punishing anything on their legs and cutting any width.
Hale found the pitch to his liking however when he did locate the stumps, and bowled the opener with an outswinging ball, on a length, smashing through the defences after the ball before having one lift off a length and have to be taken above Johnston’s head at wicket keeper. Hale again provided miserly with 2 for 24 off his 8 overs.
Garner was brought off - his radar being impacted by the level of swing on show, to bring the mighty Joel Ainsley on. As miserly as ever, Joel, by his own admission, was the only bowler to get nothing out of the pitch. But strangled the run-rate, bowling 6 overs for only 12 runs.
Behind the stumps Johnston with the gloves on, and Lockhart at first slip had formed quite the partnership, with the ball doing all sorts and number of byes saved by Johnston palming the ball and Lockhart stopping. As ever, and despite the grief he got shouted at last week from the boundary, Johnston was somewhat unorthodox in his keeping approach, but byes were kept to a minimum.
The fielding effort was tight, squeezing the batters as they realised that nothing easy was on offer - Alhat and Newham in particular chased and stopped anything that reached them.
With Hale being taken off after his 5 overs, and having hit one batter in the helmet and been no balled for a bouncer, and the pitch still misbehaving it was time for the left arm wonder of Joe Chaplin. Young golden arm immediately started causing problems - bowling to an actual left hand batter for the first time this season. As has constantly been the case he found bounce, turn off the pitch and the pace that causes all sorts of problems for batters no matter how set they are.
Being the clever bowler that he has become however, Chaplin decided that, with the batters all worried about the pitch, he’d take it out the equation, bowling a tasty full toss to the left handed batter to tempt him into pulling the ball directly to Alhat at square leg who too a good catch above his head - great pressure bowling and fielding leaving the opponents 50-2 and the game finally balanced.
That balance was then wrecked. With a gentle shrug of his shoulders from his first wicket, Chaplin resumed his run up, took aim at the new right hand batter and destroyed his stumps first ball, cutting him in half with one that cut back at hit the top of leg stump.
A hatrick in adult cricket is a rarity, and when the opportunity arises everyone is immediately on edge - all fielders at the ready for the catch that might come their way.
Chaplin however showed no nerves at all. Someone so laidback he could have been horizontal, he simply got to his mark, turned round and took at fielders out the equation, once again showing his skill to bowl his third victim in 3 balls.
A wonderful spell of bowling to be present to witness for those that were there, ripping the heart out of the opposition innings. Chaplin continued to bamboozle the batters, with the pitch causing mischief as well, and his finishing figures of 5 overs, 3 wickets for 8 runs whilst barely breaking a sweat showing the talent we have on our hands.
With Chaplin wheeling away at his end it was time for Calley the all rounder Foyster to now work her magic with the ball. Using the pitch and making the batters play with her turn and guile she tempted one into what looked a safe shot into the deep. However, Glen Newham seemed to take it as a personal affront that it might be considered safe it if was anywhere within 15 metres of him. Moving like the 6 million dollar man he is (ask your grandparents) he bounded as a gazelle across the plains of Africa to not only reach a ball that he had no right to, but to then bend down, trip on a rabbit hole and hold a truly spectacular catch.
All that was left at this point was for the opposition to try and grind their way towards some bonus points, but Foyster eventually bowled the stubborn Bonvini and had a catch held at mid off by captain Callum - a man who’s catching thankfully is better than his ground fielding on the day!
At the other end Chaplin was replaced after his 5 overs with Leigh Garner brought on to bring the stubborn tail resistance to an end, bowling one and having the final wicket fall to a catch behind from Johnston.
A stunning all round display with fielding of high standards, MacLeod batting stubbornly for his first 50 on the hardest batting day of the season. And Chaplin. An over for the ages from Chaplin